


Graveyard

by buckyownsmylife



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Dirty Talk, F/M, Smut, cuckold!Steve, emotional and physical infidelity question mark intended, eventual steve x natasha, steve doesn’t get any action except the one from his fist, while he tries to get over the reader, yes I’m still coming up with kinktober related fics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:35:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27828358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buckyownsmylife/pseuds/buckyownsmylife
Summary: The one where you’re Steve’s girl but he likes to watch you and Bucky fuck like he’s not there.
Relationships: Bucky Barnes/Reader, Steve Rogers/Reader
Comments: 12
Kudos: 157





	1. Chapter 1

Steve’s P.O.V.

My heart was pounding as I approached the bedroom door. Realistically, I knew what I would find there, but still, nothing could ever come close to that feeling of finding your girl being brutally fucked by your best friend in your shared bed.  
Normally, I’d take a seat by one of the corners of the room to watch, but we had talked about this before. I wanted to step it up a notch, and though Y/N still wasn’t ready to simply allow Buck to fuck her randomly for me to find, she’d agreed to let me watch from a distance like I was truly trying to hide that I’d caught them together.  
And fuck if it didn’t make me painfully *hard.  
“You’re such a good girl, Y/N,” I heard Bucky say barely above a whisper, as he kept on thrusting in and out of her, catching the sweat that was running between her breasts with his tongue. “Letting me fuck you like this when Steve isn’t around. You’re just so desperate for cock, aren’t you? It doesn’t matter that I’m his best friend, you just have to be filled by someone.”  
Y/N let out a strangled moan at his filthy words, squeezing her eyes shut because she still couldn’t allow herself to fully enjoy this, the guilt eating her alive despite how much she liked to feel Bucky inside of her. I knew her well enough to recognize both feelings, in the way she harshly bit on her lower lip to stop any other sounds from escaping her mouth, and how she threw her head back, offering her chest up to my friend.   
Obviously, he would never ignore such a gift. If there was one thing that I knew about my Bucky, was that he *loved her breasts. It was one of the things that made me realize just how attracted to Y/N he was, long before we started this game. I’d always catch him looking at her chest, even when she didn’t have a particularly raunchy neckline. He’d just gaze adoringly at them, following their movements when she giggled, making them bounce.  
And I couldn’t even blame him. First, because she truly was hypnotizing, especially when she wasn’t trying to do so, but most of all because it made me horny like nothing else. So when I still hadn’t found the courage to talk about this with my girlfriend and my best friend, I used to lay in bed and think about the lust in his eyes, imagining what he would do to Y/N if he ever got the chance to.  
I was suddenly awakened from my reminiscence by a drawn-out hiss, blinking to find that Bucky had changed positions and had her riding him instead, while he kept controlling the movements through his grip on her hips. The position must have changed the way my friend was hitting her sweet spot because she started mewling like a fucking kitten on heat, bracing herself on his chest as he kept fucking himself up on her.  
Bucky chuckled, his eyes never wavering from her face, and I wished I could have a clearer view of it. I bet she looked all kinds of fucked out, her lips bruised and wet, her eyes closed, and remnants of mascara running on her cheeks.  
“Does Steve know about this, doll? About the way you sing for me? I’m willing to bet he has never made you moan like a cheap whore. That’s just for me, isn’t it? You’re my cheap whore.” My cock twitched inside my trousers, and I had to wrap a hand around it to restrain myself from cumming on the spot.  
Meanwhile, Bucky had sat up on the mattress, wrapping an arm around my girl’s back before curling his metal one on her nape. “Come here, baby girl. Let me kiss you.” The use of the sweet pet names only added to the burn on my lower belly, making me feel that intoxicating mix of jealousy and desire that I had quickly grown addicted to.   
He kissed her like he was dependent on her tongue, on her taste, so he could breathe. He kissed her like he loved her, and there was no doubt in my mind that he was close to that. “Fuck, I wish he wasn’t in the picture.”  
Hearing that sentence being murmured so softly by my best friend’s lips was all that I needed to start desperately fucking my fist. I could hear the pain in each word, the longing that he felt for my girlfriend, and still, I couldn’t find it in myself to stop this.  
“B-Bucky…” She mumbled, holding onto his shoulders for dear life as he picked up his pace. “Bucky, I need to cum.” I was shocked by how utterly ruined she sounded like, how out-of-breath and whiny her voice was, and it only added to my ever-growing arousal.  
Still, my friend didn’t seem satisfied, because instead of letting her cum, he laid her down on the bed again, once more changing the position, before restarting with his punishing thrusts. “Hold it,” he ordered, before leaning down to kiss her once more, and this time I finally saw Y/N get fully immersed in the loving gesture, one of her hands coming up to bury her fingers in his long locks.  
“One of these days, I’ll make you mine, I swear to God. I’m gonna fuck you so hard, you’ll even forget his name. I’m gonna cum so deep inside your pussy that no contraceptive method will keep you from having my child. But for now, this will do just fine.” Those were the words that sent me straight to the finish line, cumming all over my hand, the threshold, and the floor.  
Looking at the bed, I knew both of them had followed me there, if not from the fucked-out expression in my girlfriend’s eyes, and Bucky’s still struggling pattern of breathing, by the creamy cum slowly seeping from their still connected members, that was surely ruining the bed.  
I couldn’t wait to taste it on her pussy.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where you agree to step it up a notch.

Every mission came with its own terrors and hardships, I was used to it by now. No matter how tired they made me, I was always able to push through, even if it was becoming increasingly more difficult with each call to attack. And ever since I began dating Y/N, the entire situation just became lousier and lousier.

I hated leaving her at the tower. I hated being apart from her in general. I knew she was at what was probably the safest place on Earth, but I couldn’t help but worry, all the damn time. It definitely only added another layer of stress to the job, and I found myself thinking about retiring and moving us to a cabin in the middle of nowhere more often than not.

So the only thing in my mind, whenever I dragged myself home, was to find her and kiss her, relish in her sweet, familiar perfume until it was imprinted in my mind again. That was my plan as I pushed open the front door to our shared space, only to be greeted by the sounds of intense fucking.

… What on Earth?

Realization hit me all of a sudden, making me drop the duffel that I held on the floor. Still, the litany of moans, wetness, and skin slapping skin was so freaking loud that it went unnoticed by the two main actors, and I managed to tiptoe closer and closer to where the stage had been set.

The kitchen.

Bucky had my girlfriend sprawled on top of one of the counters, and she held onto his shoulders for dear life as he brutally pistoned inside of her. “You want this? You want me?” All she could do was mewl as he kept fucking her, almost completely dressed while she stood completely bare on top of the cold marble. The soft tissue of her dress rested abandoned in the middle of the kitchen, and I found myself salivating at the sight, already hard cock throbbing as I imagined how he finally got her to accept to be fucked without my certain presence.

It made that familiar mix of jealousy and arousal burn intensely on the pit of my stomach, lighting the spark that I needed to open my own pants and reach for my member. “You’re not gonna answer me, doll? That’s alright. Perhaps you need to be reminded of your place.”

My guess was that Y/N knew as much as I did what Bucky’s plan was to her, but it quickly became obvious as he pulled away from her, pushing her out of the counter and on the floor. 

“Open up,” he ordered, tapping her perfect lips with the head of his cock, and my good girl quickly obeyed, welcoming his thickness into her warm mouth. I had to bite my fist to suppress the groan that threatened to escape my chest as I imagined how my best friend must be feeling right now.

God, I wanted to be in his shoes, but I also wouldn’t miss this show for the world.

“Until Steve gets back from his mission, you’re mine and mine only, baby girl. And you’ll do whatever I ask of you, huh?” I could see Y/N melting as she kept on slurping his cock, undoubtedly getting a good taste of her own juices, too. She leaned onto the hand that Bucky used to caress her cheek, the flesh one before he used it to gather her hair and speed up her movements.

“Do you remember now, Y/N? How your body reacts to me and only to me? Think about it while you’re choking on my member.” To add to the torture, besides holding her head down against his navel, his metal hand curled around her throat, squeezing only enough so he could feel himself there.

The sight had my own mouth-watering, and I held onto the wall to keep myself up while my other hand was otherwise occupied with relieving me of this hurtful erection. Seeing my girlfriend so easily submit to my best friend was thrilling, electrifying. I could only hope it felt as satisfying to her as to me.

“Come here,” Bucky at last relented, pulling her up by his grip on her hair, and immediately enveloping her in a breathtaking kiss that made my heart clench at the same time my dick throbbed in my fist. “You love it when I’m rough with you, huh?” But the way he asked was so soft, so full of emotion that it made me stop fucking myself in shock. 

I watched as he twirled her around and pushed her down against the kitchen table, both hands slowly caressing the back of the woman I loved. “You know I hate punishing you, doll. Why do you keep forcing my hand?”

To my absolute horror, Y/N simply giggled, looking over her shoulder to meet his gaze. “I like it when you’re rough.” 

… I’d never witnessed Bucky performing anything that could be considered “punishment” with her before, much less heard him acknowledge it. Could it be… Perhaps they knew I was here. Making it seem like they’ve done this before without me to watch over them did make it even more realistic, after all.

But normally, by now, her eyes would have drifted off, looking for me. And so far, nothing in either of their demeanors let on that they even remembered the rest of the world existed beyond the desire they clearly felt for each other.

Bucky’s thrusts were rough, but somehow sweet at the same time. He was fucking her nice and deep, just the way that I did, and I was transfixed, watching her thrust back to welcome him inside of her. 

They shared another kiss, Bucky pulling her so her head would rest over his shoulder, one of his hands palming a bouncing breast. “Let’s run away, baby. Before he gets back.” 

My terrifying realization came just as she did too, certainly clenching around my best friend and milking him dry as her eyes met mine where I stood over the threshold, holding a somehow still hard cock. 

“Just say when.”


	3. Chapter 3

Y/N’s P.O.V.

It had been a weird couple of days ever since Steve caught Bucky and I in the kitchen. No matter how many times I prepared myself for this situation, I did not know what to do or say. But to my surprise, it seemed like the boys had it figured out perfectly.

And that resulted in Bucky immediately leaving me to deal with Steve and Steve pretending nothing had happened as he hoisted me up and took me to the bedroom, where he fucked me just like he did every time we had one of those sinful little sessions that initially began as his idea. 

I felt guilty, just like I had felt right when we first started this. Only back then I knew everything was happening under Steve’s gaze and Bucky only wanted me for my body - actually, I wasn’t even certain of that. I thought Bucky was doing this as a favor to his old pal, because there was no way in hell Bucky Barnes was attracted to me. I could barely believe one super soldier wanted me in his bed, now the other wanted it too?

But as time went on, it became obvious that was very much the case, until it wasn’t necessarily only that anymore. What started as a sexual connection slowly built up into much more, and I was conflicted, because of course I was.

I thought I loved Steve, but could I love him and betray his trust like that?

I managed to fall asleep every night by his side on a technicality. This was what he had asked me for, after all. If he wanted Bucky to fuck me whenever he wanted to, so he could be caught by surprise when he found us, he should have known there would be times when he wouldn’t find us.

The fact that Bucky looked for the times where Steve wasn’t around could not be attributed to my own doing, now could it? 

But I knew it was wrong. I just knew it. That burning acidic feeling of shame and regret bubbled inside my belly every time I had to look Steve in the eyes while his best friend’s cum still dripped from me. 

But he never asked me about it, now did he? He never told me that I should warn him about what Bucky and I did when he wasn’t around, when he didn’t manage to catch us. I could very well push through this, ignore my barrier of morality and pretend everything was fine, if it wasn’t for the fact that I knew my boyfriend like the palm of my hand. And I knew this was affecting him more than I ever feared it would.

For starters, he hadn’t asked Bucky to come over once since his last mission. Ever since we started this little arrangement, three days wouldn’t go by without his best friend being invited at least once into our shared bed.

He was insecure, I could see that. And I think Bucky saw it too. I recognized the guilty look in his eyes whenever we met in the common room for breakfast, because it wasn’t too different from the one I sported on myself.

But still, he restrained himself, abstaining from raising any issues or questioning what should very well be on the table. I knew why he didn’t, though. It was because he already knew the answer, just like I already knew what was going to happen, even if I wasn’t prepared to admit it to myself yet.

I’d warned him about this. When he first approached me with the idea, I wanted to be as open-minded as possible, especially since I cared a great deal for Steve and wanted him to be as sexually fulfilled in our relationship as I could make him. But I needed to let him know how my body and mind worked, and even back then I was well aware - and made sure that he was too - that I wasn’t able to simply sleep with someone without catching feelings for them.

It was only a matter of time, but both Steve and I tried to ignore the ticking clock, pushing through like I was able to only think about Bucky’s weight on top of me when Steve was looking us over, like I didn’t know what his cum tasted like and how heavy his cock felt in my mouth, making my mouth water every time my eyes met his in the gym, like I hadn’t begun to fall in love with him between the silly little compliments he’d whisper against my skin.

And now it was too late to ignore all of that, but still, here we were. All three, pretending nothing was different in our dynamic, like a relationship and a friendship hadn’t deteriorated in all of our joined hands.

I began distancing myself from the both of them, and as much as I could see the hurt in their eyes as they realized what was going on, Steve’s gaze held a little bit of relief in it. Like he was hopeful that the growing space between our hearts would end up tearing that last thread of sentiment that still held the two of us together, without either of us having to pick up a scissor to do it ourselves.

But that still didn’t solve the problem of my relationship with Bucky, and how it would affect Steve even if we did end up falling apart.

Those were the thoughts consuming my mind all day, every day, until I managed to get some sleep next to Steve in bed. But most nights, until I was able to do so, I’d roam the deserted hallways of the tower in search of answers I’d never find outside of myself, until I decided to take a warm shower in the hopes that relaxation would find me.

I was taking off my clothes to get under the water when Bucky joined me in Steve’s walk-in bathroom.

Bucky’s P.O.V.

“Hi,” she murmured, eyes meeting mine on the reflex of the mirror in front of the both of us. “I was just about to wash up.” I gave a small smile, eyes running across her form, drinking in her figure and the warmth she brought me after so long without being alone with her. I was going crazy without it, the feeling of peace and belonging she brought me. So I didn’t even think before hugging her to my body, hiding my head in the crook of her neck from behind.

“Can I join?” When she didn’t immediately answer me, I knew it was time. We’d danced around the inevitable for too long. We needed to talk about the reality of our feelings, the reality where we had found ourselves in.

“I don’t think that would be best…” I sighed deeply, memorizing the intoxicating perfume of her own skin before finally raising my head to meet her eyes in the mirror again. I knew what I needed - what I wanted to say.

“Let’s run away. Just you and me. I’ll find a cabin in the woods. We can live a quiet life, just like we’ve always wanted.” She doesn’t ask me how I know it. I knew she remembers those midnight conversations as well as I did, long before we even started sharing a bed together. We’d grown close over cups of tea and whispered secrets, it shouldn’t have been any surprise I’d give her my heart without blinking twice.

When she didn’t answer, I turned her around to look directly at me, cradling her face between my hands, both flesh and metal. I was always careful not to hurt her, terrified of seeing any ounce of pain or fear in her eyes, but she never showed me anything other than love and care.

“C’mon, I know you want this,” I urged her, thumbs softly brushing her cheekbones, feeling my chest heavy with each breath by the intensity of the emotions in her eyes. “Don’t you want me? Don’t you want us?”

I waited with my heart on my sleeve for her to finally exhale a breathy little “yes” that was immediately swallowed by my lips descending on hers again. I was desperate to have her sweetness on my tongue, to reassure myself that this was real, and not a sickly realistic figment of my deteriorating imagination.

“Bucky, we can’t do this right now,” she whispered against my lips as I hoisted her up on the counter behind her, but I could only keep on pressing kisses against her skin, relishing in the new feeling of possessiveness that took over me as I tasted each inch of her.

“You sure? ‘Cause I can smell you dripping for me, and only me right now.” It was true, I could always smell when she was wet and it was more intoxicating than any alcohol could ever aspire to be. It made my head swirl and my entire body feel more alive than ever before. Ever since the first time I was allowed to touch her, it became increasingly more difficult to control my desires. Now, when I needed her, I needed her. And I needed her now.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

I wanted to succumb to him, I wanted it so badly - and I knew my self-control was wearing thin because I wouldn’t usually admit it to myself just how much I craved the feeling of his body on mine. But there was a more important issue here, something we had to discuss, and I knew we should have this conversation now rather than later.

“I feel like I should put on my clothes. We really need to talk about this. You can’t just drop this idea of running away and then fuck me silly so I’ll agree.” That made him smirk against my collarbones, hands slipping under my robe to slowly pry it off my shoulders.

“You know me so well,” he purred, tongue slowly licking from my collarbones up my throat until he was right by my lips again, kissing the breath away from my lungs. I couldn’t deny it any longer. He had awakened the fires of desire inside of me, and I was beyond desperate for him now.

“Is there really anything to talk about, doll? I know you can’t even sleep next to him anymore. And I can’t sleep without you.” His fingers had found my pussy, and without any sort of preamble, two slipped right in, his thumb easily locating my clit and rubbing it. “All of my nightmares are about living without you now. Please don’t make me live in them.”

I melted at the same time that he found my sweet spot, a strangled gasp somehow escaping me, despite how hard I was trying to keep quiet. And that’s when his metal hand came into play.

He covered my mouth and leaned over me, body caging me on the counter as he whispered in my ear. “I love hearing your little sounds, sweetheart, but be a bit quieter, okay? We can’t have Steve interrupting us now, especially since we’re in the middle of such an important conversation.”

I wanted to laugh, but all that got out was a mumbled version of his name, thankfully barely understandable thanks to the hand still silencing me. “Where were we? Ah, yes. You running away with me. Say that you will, baby. I’ll take good care of you. Haven’t I always? Say yes, doll. Please.”

I don’t know how the hell he expected me to be able to form any sort of answer - hell, I had no idea how he was able to speak that convincingly while fingerfucking me to a blinding orgasm, but I guess he knew my body and its limits better than I did, because before I could consciously realize, I was screaming yes over and over again against the cold palm of his hand, body writhing desperately over the counter.

“We’re gonna be so happy, doll. I promise you,” he whispered against my temple before depositing a kiss there, while I dramatically tried to catch my breath. “But right now, I really want to taste this glistening little pussy.”

As his hand left my face, I had to bite down on my own fist to stop the loud moan that threatened to escape me at the mere sight of James Buchanan Barnes falling on his knees in front of me, animalistically licking his lips at what awaited between my spread open legs.

Bucky’s P.O.V.

She looked like a fucking meal, all ready and wet for me to taste. And now she was mine and only mine, forever and ever. “You know…” I started, tracing her outer lips with one of my metal fingers as I watched her juices continuously drip from inside of her, making my mouth water.

“Every time I see you - it doesn’t matter who’s around - I just keep thinking about how I want to have my head between your legs.” My voice was thick with desire as I let her ponder over my confession, tongue slipping past my lips to finally taste her once I felt her muscles relaxing when the anticipation had started to decrease.

“F-Fu-uu-uck, BUCKY!” And now they were tense again. I could feel the solid muscles of her thighs under the palms of my hands as they roamed across her spread legs, forcing her to stay that way for me.

“God, I love your taste, sweetheart. No one - nothing can ever compare.” It was the truth. I loved her juices. Ever since the first time I got to eat her sweet pussy, I craved to be sweeping my tongue over her lips, collecting her wetness all the damn time. It was easily my favorite meal and hobby, and I had no idea how Steve could spend a second of his day without getting on his knees for her.

“It’s just like candy. And you’re so fucking wet, always so fucking wet.” I chuckled against her cunt at the gasps and moans that she tried to contain but failed miserably, relishing every bite of pain that I felt when her fingers pulled on my locks a bit more forcefully. She thrashed and twisted on the marble counter while I managed to hold her open without any difficulty, smiling at each lick I got to give across her pussy.

“Fuck, you look so good like this.” Stopping only to thrust two of my fingers in her, I admired the way her pussy so easily swallowed them up before going back to suck on her clit just the way I knew would make her tighten around me. “Don’t close your eyes,” I ordered when she tried to do just so, recognizing all of the tell-tale signs I’d long memorized that warned me of how truly close she was to creaming around my face. “I want to see you cum for me. Cum for me, baby.”

This time, I didn’t stay to drag out her orgasm this time. I needed her, needed to be inside of her, so the second that I felt her orgasm, I dragged out my fingers and rose to my full height, hands immediately making quick work of my jeans.

“Don’t you ever wear underwear?” She questioned in a lazy voice that made it abundantly clear just how fucked out she already was, and I had to laugh as I made sure to adjust her body just how I needed it to have her.

“Not ever since we started fucking.” It was the truth. Specifically, ever since Steve commented on wanting to step it up a notch, I decided to skip wearing boxers altogether, if only for the time that it saved me where I could be enjoying her before he appeared. This time though, I was particularly grateful for it, since my cock ached in my fist, terribly stimulated without any actual sort of stimulation whatsoever.

“Fuck, you’re so hard,” she sighed, right as I rubbed the head of my member between her pussy lips and started to press in. As always, it felt amazing. It felt like being connected to her, and that was all I’ve ever wanted, ever since Steve introduced me to her.

“For you, doll. Only for you.” She gasped so prettily at my words, and a silly smile took over my face as I started thrusting inside of her, but when she did it again, hands holding onto the back of my shoulders to keep herself up, I got worried.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

“What’s wrong? Am I hurting you?” The worry in his tone had me smiling against the skin of his shoulder, where I had hugged myself to, before quickly shaking my head to calm his anxious mind.

“No! No, Bucky… You’ve done nothing… wrong, ah!” The second he learned I wasn’t in pain, his thrusts resumed, and each time he bottomed out, he managed to hit that sweet spot that had me struggling to keep myself sane while holding tightly to the man that was driving me crazy. It didn’t take long for him to figure it out. 

“Oh, you like this, huh?” I nodded eagerly, still holding on to him like he was my lifeboat. “Awn, you love how I fuck you, huh, sweetheart? You love that it’s me who’s pounding you inside your ex-boyfriend’s bathroom.”

The addition wasn’t missed. But in the throes of passion, as I felt my toes curl and tried to keep my moans in by biting on Bucky’s skin while he eased my orgasm with his gentle, soft coos, I couldn’t find it in myself to care.

Later, when the post-orgasm clarity cleared my mind, I still couldn’t. 

“Look at me, baby,” Bucky begged, out-of-breath and almost whiny and it was enough to have me needy again. So I pushed myself away from his muscular chest, wanting to see his beautiful face when he found his bliss just as much as he seemed to need to watch mine, and the second our eyes met, his pace quickened, the bottles and knick-knacks around us on the counter threatening to fall over and wake Steve up. It was clear that he was reaching the point of no-return, desperation dripping from each and every one of his movements.

“You’re mine, doll. You’re already mine, you’ve been mine for a long time, it just took you awhile to realize it.” The truth behind his words shocked me, revealing parts of myself that I had tried to ignore up until then. But he was right. I was Bucky’s, mind, body and soul. And it was time he came to collect what was rightfully his.

Another orgasm rose up so quickly, it took me by surprise, but Bucky knew me so well by now that he covered my lips just before I screamed my release, alerting Steve of our actions. “Shhh… Keep it in… Good girl.”

My pussy milking him, it was impossible for him to resist much longer. I knew he was about to cum when he looked at me with hazy eyes, mouth slightly open before begging, “Kiss me, kiss me.”

Of course, I did. I don’t think I’d ever be able to refuse him a kiss again, not ever since the first time his lips touched mine.

For a few seconds, it was only the sounds of our thumping hearts and breathless pants, my cunt still throbbing around his release as he cradled my face in his hands. Looking up at him to see the love in his eyes, all I could see, all I could feel was warmth. Like this was right. Like I was right where I needed to be. And it was time for me to admit it, both to Bucky and me.

“Let’s do it,” I broke the silence in the bathroom. “Let’s run away together. I love you. I’m scared, but I love you.” And as hard as it was to admit, the love I felt for the man in front of me left no space in my heart to regret the man I was about to leave behind.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The idea behind it was to show how Steve already expected the events of pt. III because of what happened in this fic, that takes place after that one and before at the same time. Yes, it’s confusing and it’s supposed to be. I also wanna put out a disclaimer that 1) I do not think reader’s actions are in anyway justified by what I describe here. Two wrongs do not make a right and as much as I write about infidelity, I do not approve of anything even remotely related to it. 2) I wanted to show Steve’s guilt because in the case of this fic, he did not respect the boundaries of a safe, consensual relationship - I do not believe that to be the case with every cuckolder (quite the opposite, in fact). So I guess, what I want to be known is that this is in no way some sort of ellaborate method to kinkshame those who partake in that sort of activity. Cuckold away, all is fair and satisfying in love and consent.

Steve’s P.O.V.

It’d gotten easier to deal with the staring each day that went by. At first, I honestly thought I’d go crazy, seeing the look of pity in everyone’s faces every time they met my eyes. I didn’t blame them. There was no anger directed at the people who saw my suffering and wanted to make me feel better.

If I couldn’t get angry at the two people who caused the situation, how could I get irritated at Tony for his stupid jokes or Sam for trying to get me to talk about it?

No, I didn’t mind their way of showing me they cared, but I couldn’t say that they managed to help me either. I don’t think anyone could. Not even Natasha, who had taken upon herself to try to distract me, lending me her body so I could bury my sorrows in it, was all that successful.

Natasha’s nails scratched down my back and I still thought about her. Her walls contracted around me and it was another name that escaped my lips. There was no warmth in our actions, no loving caresses after it was all said and done.

It was so different from what I knew as an act of love. But then again, this wasn’t love. This was sex. It was cold, and harsh, and animalistic, and I wasn’t scared I`d hurt Natasha. I wasn’t worried about her own pleasure - I wasn’t even worried about mine. This was just a way to distract myself, focus on the sounds of our bodies working together instead of the words I ignored, constantly resonating through my mind.

“I don’t like what this is doing to me,” she’d said. And I ignored it, for the sake of how electrified I felt when I caught her with Bucky. I ignored her feelings and fears, and so she left. How could I ever blame her?

The worst part about this arrangement with Natasha was that she never got angry at my actions, regardless of how insensitive they were. It was like she understood that it wasn’t personal, I had no intention to hurt her. But her understanding hurt me.

I’d preferred if she yelled, threatened never to sleep with me again. I wanted the outlet, I needed some way to purge this guilt.

I wondered if this is what she felt when things started to spiral out of control.

I remember it so clearly. The way our bodies entwined in the same bed I laid with Natasha now, feeling at home inside of her while I toyed with her clit, begging her to reach her high before me. It was so easy with her, not like it was with the woman currently kissing me. Our hands clasped together as I brought us closer to orgasm, and then… she screamed another name. Bucky’s.

Y/N’s reaction was automatic. Her hand covered her mouth, she sat up on the bed in a rush, forcing me to follow her lead and lean back. “I told you I didn’t want this.” Her entire body trembled, and I wanted to hug her close to me. “I told you I was unsure.” I could see the tears streaming down her face, and I wanted to reach out and wipe them away.

“I never wanted to hurt you,” she whispered, and my heart broke into a million little pieces right then. Because looking down at my own lap, it was undeniable. I was still hard. Her momentary confusion didn’t sting at all.

I was the one who hurt her. Because I couldn’t reach out and hug her close. I couldn’t reach out and wipe her tears away. I couldn’t respect her boundaries and ignore my own urges, let us go back to the way we were.

I was the one who hurt her.

And for that, I’d simply have to get used to waking up without her by my side.


End file.
